Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
