it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
