Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
