we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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