I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
