Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
