She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
