Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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