That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
