We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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