I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She needs sedatives and a leash
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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