she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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