he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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