we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dick has a subreddit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
