I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
