p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
