he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize