I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
