I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There r osticjed everywhere
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize