he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
