i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
