white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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