I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
