so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His hands were made for my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
