Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
