i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
