In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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