rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
