Your mouth is God's brothel.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
