Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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