so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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