we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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