Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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