I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
