I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
