If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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