Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
