dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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