Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
