I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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