Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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