Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
