Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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