Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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