Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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