I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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