I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
