He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
