in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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