I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
