Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
