She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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