Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
