okay pat passed out under dana's car
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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