She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
