Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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