i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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