ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
