I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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