i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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