Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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