Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
