I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
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once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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