Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
