Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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