im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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