im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
