no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need moral support for this bender
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
