if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
