i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
