Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
