So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
