i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
