Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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