she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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