Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
