um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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