Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
