Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
